Pornography… the Devil’s handiwork… Women as possessed temptresses ready to steal our souls and lead us astray… if you believe the overly religious… (who seem as hip deep in it as the rest of us… maybe more so…)

Porn…. There are people who love it, and  I used to say… people who lie about it… but now I’m not exactly sure if I believe that. Even as i get older, I’ve gone from being a total porn fiend to….. feeling a bit meh… actually.

Now part of that is me. For the first time in my life, my sex drive hasn’t been off the charts. For the last three months I’ve been dealing with some health issues (main reason for so much radio silence) and that didn’t leave me feeling like the little nympho you all know and love.

I used to surf onto my favourite sites and there was always something to leave me feeling….:



But at the same time, I’m also getting rather tired of watching dead eyed Eastern European girls pretending that they love having some well-hung stud fucking their ass like a piston in a two-stroke engine. After you have seen it a thousand times… it starts to get old.

bored scooby


So one’s jaded tastes go in search of something even more interesting and enticing. Or perverted. I went through that phase of trying to ring that bell a little harder, but even for me, some of those vids and pics were like…:


I suppose now, the whole thing is just leaving me cold these days. It doesn’t even butter the muffin the same way it used to. I find I surf to a site… eyeball the offerings and run screaming.


I mean… rosebudding? Are we serious? Has our gluttony for the obscure gone that far? Really, anything involving a purposeful prolapse is probably a sign that one has maybe rung that button too many times and should perhaps take a break. Or these 300 man gangbangs. He is in her for like 2 minutes, blows his load and in goes the next man. I get the eroticism of a gangbang… but there is no finesse… no adventure in taking 300 or 500 men. Yes. I did watch one… I’ve watched parts of a few and it just felt sadly mechanical and boring.

I’ve even had the fantasy of being set up on a breeding bench, or through a hole in a wall for any man to use… It’s not that the fantasy isn’t there. It’s that the porn is getting so completely dis-interesting. I mean… for the woman, how much fun can the 50th penis be? It’s not like the dude can bring his A game to get her off when he has to cum and go as it were.

I’m probably overthinking this.

But what does one do instead? It’s not that I don’t want my bell rung. of course I do. In fact, I absolutely adore a fantastic orgasm as much as the next girl. But what is the best way to get it? Especially if one is alone?

I find myself reading a lot of erotica. I find that the movie player in my head is far more interesting than anything I see on the screen. In my head, everyone is enjoying it, and not just taking a pounding for a pay cheque.

One must suppose, in the end, that it is what gets your motor running. But am I the only one looking at it and thinking…. nah? Maybe it is that there is just so much out there? In those early days, when the internet was less the porn fest it is now, replete with amateur, ‘amateur’ and studio porn- when you actually had to go into the  cordoned off portion of the video store, it almost had more… adventure. I even remember the name of the first porno I ever saw and I remember it as being 100% muffin buttering- Les Femmes Nouvelles Erotiques or some such thing. It was a French piece that my boyfriend had arranged for a friend’s stag…. and we watched it the next day before it went back. It was slick… it was quite high budget for porn and I was hooked…

And now… here I am no… feeling rather blah… many years later.

I’ve tried watching ‘woman porn’… porn for women made by women which seems to involve more cuddling, but that seems rather artificial too- though with far less dead eyes and gaping anal sphincters. I suppose it comes off as trying a bit too hard. Pardon the pun.

Perhaps when there was less of it, I identified with it more. When it wasn’t quite so plastic, so bukaked, so out there or quite so… well… I just can’t identify at all with some poor, pencil thin girl from the rough end of Bratislava who is doing this for a quick buck to get herself out of some terrible situation who is so high she can barely keep her eyes open while she is being pretzeled into the most unnatural shape known to man.

I want to look at that woman and see myself. I want to be the one splayed open and ready… taking that man, or men… being used… being ridden… being played with, being tormented, being suckled. If you’ve read my books, you know my tastes are hardly pedestrian. I particularly like old + young… because as you all know, I have a passion for older men, and the beautiful power differential… That and I love the idea of being unwrapped by an older man who still has it… I really get off on older men.

Maybe I’m so ready for the reality that porn just feels like the proverbial false prophet.

I want to be your evil demon temptress. I want to be all those fantasies. I want to live them for you. I don’t want you stroking off under your computer desk… when you could be stroking off on me… Are you thinking about me? Are you having dirty thoughts about me now… I would do so many of the things you can think of… and more…


Unless you want me to have an anal prolapse… in which case.. I’m not your girl. I’m so so so not your girl.

-non Scooby Doo art courtesy of the brilliant Madame Jojo who is coming out with a colouring book soon!!!

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